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Cyprus: Larnaka

Agios Lazarus, Larnaka
Agios Lazarus, Larnaka

I really wanted to like Larnaka1, mainly because we were stuck there for two days praying for the weather to improve, but despite my good intentions, I really couldn't get into it. Larnaka, for me, represented everything bad about the tourist bulldozer that seems to be steaming through Cyprus, obliterating everything Cypriot in its path and replacing it with some of the worst aspects of Britain's seaside towns. For one awful moment, I thought I'd washed up on the south coast of Spain, despite the continuing drizzle.

The beach at Larnaka
The beach in off-season Larnaka is smothered in green slime and seaweed
Junk food outlets on Larnaka seafront
Junk food heaven on Larnaka seafront

1 Known as Larnaca before the name change.

2 OK, possibly not like the next man in Larnaka, who is probably an overweight, pasty-skinned bloater who hobbles around with the aid of a walking stick and who jokes about his beer belly being 'an investment'. I'm serious; the number of fat tourists with consequent mobility problems in off-season Cyprus is staggering, not unlike them.